I was starting to feel a tad bit normal again and to plan out my resolutions for the new year when my doctor upped my chemo dosage.
That threw a big ol' wrench in the works. Now I have to adjust to the new level of meds, and as I type this, I have no idea how I will respond to a higher dosage.
Will it make me feel much worse?
Will my Friday and Saturday recovery turn into a Friday-Saturday-Sunday recovery. Or even extend into Monday?
I've been working myself so hard to get 6 days of work done in 4 for the past few months. I'm exhausted. I'm frazzled. I'm weak. I don't think I can push myself any harder.
So, I'm giving myself a break and will not be writing out a list of resolutions as 2013 ends. Grace will be the theme of 2014.
The grace to say, "I'm sick." and that be okay.
The grace to do as much as I can when I can do it and prop up my swollen feet when that is needed instead.
The grace to do school from bed, to eat sandwiches for dinner, to take naps.
The grace not to constantly consider if I should be on this approach to wellness or be on that treatment plan and to filter out unsolicited advice.
The grace to stay off Pinterest, to limit the blogs, and to do what is necessary to keep a realistic perspective.
The grace to ask for help, to delegate, to receive assistance.
The grace to stop worrying, to stop overthinking everything, to stop trying to be perfect.
The grace not to plan a fancy dinner party when I can sit at Jesus's feet instead because He is the only one who possesses the grace I need and He freely gives it to those who ask.
I resolve to continually ask, seek and knock.
Grace and peace in the new year,