Not Me Monday: Not Us Camping

Last week we did not take our first camping trip as a family. In fact, it was not my first camping trip ever. We did not feel like fish out of water because we are so very experienced with all things outdoors.

For instance, we did not have any trouble assembling the tent. Oh no, not us… we're far too experienced for that. In fact, after reading the assembly instructions twice, we did not try to attach the exterior poles to the interior of the tent. We did not flip the tent this way and flop it that way, making it look like a Chinese dragon on parade. The kids were not amused either. They did not watch us and laugh and exclaim, "It's the tent monster. ROAR!!!" They did not take these pictures either.

You do NOT see this. It did NOT happen!

Ignore the woman under the tent. I do NOT know who she is!

After we did not struggle to assemble the tent...

and canopy...

and cooler and storage bin...

and air mattress...


We were not hot and tired. We did not drink nearly a full gallon of water, and if we had, it would not have been the only gallon of water that I brought with us. Of course, I am far too with-it to under prepare like that. Therefore, we did not have to ration the remaining quart of water and four cans of soda. Likewise, after not guzzling all that water, our bladders were not about to explode, and we did not decide to walk, not drive, through the campground to find the restrooms.

While not walking as fast as we could, a group of birds did not zip over our heads and did not startle us. Since we are not avid bird watchers, we do not have an obsessive need to identify anything that does not fly over our heads. We did not observe these non-zippers for nearly ten minutes while hopping up and down with our knees together. After a closer non-examination, Michael did not say, "Dawn, those are not birds. They are bats."

As these non-zippers were not zipping directly over my head, I did not panic. For even if they had been zipping, I would not panic over a group of harmless bats flying within a foot of my head. No way! Not me! I am far too earthy and outdoors-ey for that. And remember, I had not drunk nearly a half gallon of water and was not seeking the facilities either. So, clearly, these non-zipping not-bats were not a problem for me at all.

Since we were not in a hurry, it did not matter that we did not find the restrooms until the sun was setting. I did not mind walking into a dark public restroom and I did not immediately begin patting the wall in search of a light switch. I do not have an overactive imagination and I never panic in such situations. I am far too calm, cool and collected for that. I did not imagine germs flowing from the wall and multiplying exponentially as they covered my hand and arm. I am not paranoid and did not think super-sized bugs were crawling up my shoes and onto my legs. I did not conjure up thoughts of bats flying out of the toilets and attacking me. I did not bolt out of the restroom jumping and shaking and squealing while knocking imaginary bugs from my clothes and hair. I did not rub half a bottle of antibacterial gel onto my hands, arms, face, and feet. I did not use this facility instead….

After a relaxing time under our canopy, singing and reading by lamplight, new neighbors did not arrive. It was not 10:30 p.m., and we had not allowed our children to stay up late to chase fireflies. We would never do that because we are not strict. After we did not finally get around to tucking the kids into their sleeping bags, our new neighbors did not begin to have a loud camping party. They did not yell and laugh and carry on until 3 a.m. We did not have to recite "vengeance is mine saith the Lord" when our alarms sounded at 6:00 a.m.

NOT Family Time under the Canopy

We were not weary from a long, hard night followed by a short night's sleep. We were also not determined to keep our plans and we did not find a hiking trail. We did not see bird, after bird, after bird along the path we did not find, not including two new ones for our life list. We did not enjoy ourselves so much that we lost track of time. We did not return to our camp nearly three hours later, and I did not have blisters on the bottoms of my feet and toes because I had not worn strapless sandals!

The Boys NOT Looking for Birds

We were not sad to pack up and leave. We had not seen sights like this...

Or this…

Or this…

However, as I had packed plenty of provisions, we were not in a hurry to leave. We did not say goodbye to our little home-away-from-home and head straight to Burger King for a big breakfast and an extra-large drink!



If you don't want to read Orville's thoughts on our camping trip, don't click here because it will not take you to his and Wilbur's blog, The Write Brothers.