Monday, January 4, 2010

Not Me Monday: I Am NOT Jittery



I am holding my hand parallel to the floor.

Can you see it?

It's not shaking. Not a bit.

Because I am not jittery. Not me! No way! I am a model of composure.

This can best be explained by telling you a little about our trip last week to my brother-in-law Marc's house.

We have to travel through Atlanta to get to Uncle Marc's. For those of you unfamiliar with the area, please note that Atlanta is in a perpetual state of road improvement.

I think our state flower is an orange pylon.

So about 20 minutes into our trip we hit THE TRAFFIC.

CREEP FOR TEN SECONDS. STOP.

SIT IN ONE PLACE FOR 20 MINUTES. STOP.

ROLL 2 INCHES. STOP.

COMPLETELY WATCH RATATOUILLE BEFORE TRAVELING 20 MILES. STOP.

Finally, we entered an area of the interstate where traffic was flowing but flowing in between large cement construction walls. The other drivers were zipping through like it was an open field. I felt like we were in an Autobahn-like tunnel with no ceiling, a move-as-fast-as-you-can-or-be-crushed situation.

But, like I said, I am not jittery, so this did not bother me. Nope. Not me.

It bothered me so little that I did not hit my air brake at least once per minute. I did not wear a hole in the floorboard carpeting.

I didn't add nervous sound effects to the drive, like Oooo... Eeek…. Yikes… Waaaa…! Why would I do that? I am always so calm, after all.

I didn't smack the dashboard and ask other drivers to explain themselves. Never, like I said… model of composure.

To truly understand how not jittery I am, you need to know that Michael has named me the family navigator. I think it is because of my proclivity for coping in stressful situations. I am so adaptable.

Case in point… while traveling through Autobahn tunnel, I realized we needed to get on the "loop" and avoid downtown. As soon as I had this realization, I looked up to see how far we were from the exit to the loop and noticed the airport to our right. Those of you who know ATL, know WE MISSED THE LOOP!

Now, if I were not so calm and controlled, this would have sent me into a panic.

But I didn't yell. Not me! Composure, I keep telling you.

I didn't start saying things like "What? That can't be! Oh, not downtown. NOT DOWNTOWN!!!"

Every time a car came within two inches of us, I didn't squeal and grab the door, my arm rest, Michael's arm rest, or Michael's arm. He did not need bandages by the time we reached Turner Stadium.

Sensing Michael was getting a little edgy (from the traffic, of course, and not me) I didn't try to distract myself by taking in the sights.


Oh look, Zoo Atlanta! Isn't that the whole town? HA! HA!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Oooo… that's where the Olympics were held. I would love to go to the Olym….

PIIIIIIIICCCSSSSSS!!!!!!

Georgia Tech… you know about half the men in our church went the….

EEEEEEERRRRRRRRE!!!!!

CNN, Ted Tur…

NNNNEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!
AAAAHHHHH!!!!!

GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!!!!

See, I'm calm. I'm cool. I'm totally collected.

And my husband…

He does not deserve a medal for putting up with me.

8 comments:

argsmommy said...

So it's always like that? We once drove from Chicago to Florida and spent several hours trying to get through Atlanta. But I was perfectly patient the entire time. : )

Homeschool Dawn said...

That's the worst it has ever been in our experience. It took 4 hours to cross the metro area. It usually takes 1.5-2 hours. I think there was even more construction than normal and holiday traffic. We took another route home on hwys through a series of smaller towns. :)

Shauna and Ben said...

I'm glad you were able to keep your composure. :p My husband doesn't understand that I'm only trying to help.... :)

Southern Gal said...

Good for you! We've done the Atlanta thing a couple of times. Fortunately we've never missed the loop. I have witnessed a car cross over FIVE lanes to get to an exit! I don't know how he did it without getting hit.

Kristenph said...

LOL. I haven't been through Atlanta in years. Like 19. It was bad then too.

www.homeschoolblogger.com/kristenph

Laura at By the Bushel said...

I lived on the OTP(outside the perimeter) for 12 years. I was a designer with an office at 2 o'clock while living 11 o'clock. Atlanta being the center of the clock -- that's an hour drive from 11-2... anyway, I never scheduled an appointment after 3p.m. or before 10 a.m. you'd just never make it on time, or arrive home before 7p.m. Traffic in ATl, is unblievable. I could do it when I lived there, took me a while to recover civilized driving skills, after moving to small city life. But we were just back there over holiday too, and WOW! come's back like riding a bike, but I don't ever want to live it again. 7 lanes... no thankyou. I now drive less than a mile to my grocery. btw, my mom hates riding with me in atl. she never loses her composer either, not her... haha

Pam, mom, honey, said...

this so sounds like me. last october i had to drive to my husband graduation (away at a army school). i can not stand to drive. so on the way home he did not have to call me several times and say, wow you are doing great. my husband does not keep extra bandages around because he knows i am going to grab his arms on every trip. i wish i could take a sleeping pill and wake up later

Homeschool Dawn said...

Fortunately my dh has a very good sense of humor and copes well with it all, me included. We don't technically live in metro ATL and avoid it if at all possible! Sometimes there's no getting around it, though.

Thanks for stopping in and taking the time to comment. Welcome to those of you who are new to Olive Plants! Hope to see around again soon.