Monday, January 18, 2010

Not Me Monday: How to Insure Your Child Will Never Win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry

1. While discussing Madame Curie with your future laureates, compare her to Goober, the chemist on the Webkinz site.

2. Frequently refer to lab equipment as "the tube thingy", "googles", and "the glass thingy".

3. Skip hands-on activities, like the one on filtration, because you just don't really see the point and you can't find a funnel. You don't drink coffee and don't have a filter, either. And sand… who has sand??? Your kids outgrew the sandbox years ago.

4. Constantly confuse the terms "atom", "molecule", and "element". I know this will be difficult to do. I mean that's so basic. Who would confuse them?

5. When your young scientists work for hours completing flash cards to help them memorize the atoms, er…. I mean molecules…. NO, I mean elements and their symbols, lose the cards soon afterward. Then they will be sure not to study this important information.

6. Cancel chemistry class for three weeks because your local Wal Mart and craft stores do not carry the correct size Styrofoam balls for making a model of an eleme… molec… atom. Eventually give up on finding Styrofoam, improvise, and use clay instead.

7. Ask yourself questions like, "Why do my children need to know the difference between an isotope and an ion? Who uses this stuff anyway?"

8. As often as you can, tell your children they are looking at the "Periodical Table".

9. Schedule chemistry as the last subject of the day when you are completely frazzled.

10. Allow your children to make beautiful element…. ATOMIC models from cookie dough and M&M's. Make sure you forget about them after you put them in the oven so they will turn out nice and toasty like these.

It is good thing I have NEVER done any of these things. Nope! Not me! I am the chemistry queen, and my sons are sure to win the prize one day.

However, if for some reason the Chemistry prize doesn't pan out, I hear it's a little easier to nab the Peace Prize.

Happy Mixing, Modeling, Filtering, Burning Cookies, etc.!


Amy @ Raising Arrows said...

Well, and I both won't have nobel prize winners b/c this is so me! I figure if they really like this stuff, some college prof will fill in my gaps! ;)

Mama Hen said...

Hilarious! This sounds so much like me. I HATE HATE HATE lab experiments and hands on activities.

It is so messy and rarely do we get the outcome we should. And the thing with putting off projects because Walmart does not have the supplies-so been there.

As a matter of fact I am putting off our next history lesson cause I need some books from the library and I can't pay the fine until payday. I know, its just sad.

argsmommy said...

Oh, my sides hurt from laughing at this one. : ) I have one to add to the list though: Take 2+ years to get through Earth Science and Astronomy so you never even have to get to Chemistry!

Science is just not my thing -- in high school, I put off taking Chemistry until my senior year. It was still an honors class, but that only meant that I was in a class mostly with kids two years younger than me. They thought I was such a loser!